By Kim Margolis, Staff Writer 7:26 PM Saturday, August 21, 2010
Earlier this month, a stressed-out flight attendant made headlines for cursing at a rude passenger, grabbing beer and sliding down the emergency chute, leaving many workers thinking, “I wish I could do that.”
Former JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater may have found his 15 minutes of fame, but he also faces criminal charges and the loss of his job.
Counselors across the country would offer the following piece of advice: Don’t let this happen to you.
The workplace is full of stress, especially now with downsizing and a poor economy. Increasingly, workers may feel stuck or powerless, but workplace expert Kaye Schallick emphasizes that workers have all the power — and responsibility.
“It’s fine to have emotions,” said Schallick, a professional trainer since 2003, who owns Schallick Training & Coaching Services in Cincinnati.
“That’s part of being human. We also really impress upon (people) that it’s your emotions and you’ve got to take responsibility for them. Nobody makes you anything. Nobody makes you mad, nobody makes you cry.”
It’s hard to hear, and harder to do. Even if a work situation is unfair, it’s much easier to change your reaction to it, than to change the situation, she said.
Employees have to learn coping skills as much as they have to learn other aspects of their job, said Schallick, who will lead “How to Manage Emotions Under Pressure” on Sept. 10 in Cincinnati as part of Fred Pryor seminars.
“Think of a situation that didn’t turn out so well in the past,” she said. “Let’s just replay that. What could you have done? How could you have thought about that? The important thing is you can learn skills. Nobody is born with this.”
Find ways to de-stress
Edythe Kidd-Okwilagwe, a certified anger management facilitator and certified stress management consultant from Trotwood, jokes that she could have helped Slater.
“I wish I could’ve had him before that,” she said. “I could’ve taught him all kinds of skills. Stress is something that builds up on us. It doesn’t happen in one thing. It builds. A little here, a little there.”
Kidd-Okwilagwe works with clients who are so stressed at work that they have called her on the way to their jobs saying how much they dread it.
“I’ve seen more people who really don’t like their job but they are scared to give it up, or more work has been put on them because of downsizing,” she said.
So what can a stressed-out, stuck-at their-desk worker do?
Kidd-Okwilagwe has a variety of tips including tried-and-true methods like visualization, self-talk, deep breathing, stretching and short walks. But she also suggests organization. If you don’t know where things are at work or what you’re going to do, it adds stress to the day. Lunch is important because it is a break and because you refuel. Eating junk food here and there like so many busy workers do, is not helpful.
Gather things at work that can relax you in times of stress, whether that be a stress ball, a written saying or something with a lavender scent, says Kidd-Okwilagwe.
Using profanity does not help. It makes things worse.
“Profanity is like an accelerator on your car,” Kidd-Okwilagwe said. “The car doesn’t run unless you press the accelerator. Profanity is an accelerator to do something.”
Workplace forgiveness
Forgiveness is a big word and may not sound like one that belongs in the workplace, but David Bright studies workplace forgiveness. Bright is an assistant professor in the Wright State University department of management and international business.
“You can look at forgiveness as a family of actions that helps to prevent or disrupt a cycle of dysfunctional human interaction,” he said.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting bad behavior; it means not ruminating on it or seeking revenge because of it. It’s not about letting someone get away with something, it’s about letting go of things that don’t matter and can harm you professionally, he said.
A work culture that practices forgiveness is going to be filled with managers and employees who communicate more and a work force full of people who are willing to try new things and come up with different ideas because they do not fear punishment.
How an employee reacts to a situation is only up to that employee, a concept Bright said is very empowering.
“I think there really is a power in understanding the power we have to affect the situation we are in,” Bright said. “Quite frankly, it’s a choice. We choose to frame a response that will either generate a positive outcome or choose a response that will get us through a situation or choose a response where we just give in and give up and say, ‘I don’t care anymore.’ ”
Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2216 or
kmargolis@DaytonDailyNews.com.
From Dayton Daily News published on 7:26 PM Saturday, August 21, 2010