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It may seem that there’s
nothing you can do about your stress level. The bills aren’t going to stop
coming, there will never be more hours in the day for all your errands, and
your career or family responsibilities will always be demanding. But you have
a lot more control than you might think. In fact, the simple realization that
you’re in control of your life is the foundation of stress management.
Managing
stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your
emotions, your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with
problems. The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time for work,
relationships, relaxation, and fun – plus the resilience to hold up under
pressure and meet challenges head on.
In This Article:
Identify the sources of stress
in your life
Learn about hidden sources of
stress
Stress
management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This isn’t
as easy as it sounds. Your true sources of stress aren’t always obvious, and
it’s all too easy to overlook your own stress-inducing thoughts, feelings,
and behaviors. Sure, you may know that you’re constantly worried about work
deadlines. But maybe it’s your procrastination, rather than the actual job
demands, that leads to deadline stress.
To
identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude,
and excuses:
- Do
you explain away stress as temporary (“I just have a million things going
on right now”) even though you can’t remember the last time you took a
breather?
- Do
you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life (“Things
are always crazy around here”) or as a part of your personality (“I have
a lot of nervous energy, that’s all”).
- Do
you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as
entirely normal and unexceptional?
Until
you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining
it, your stress level will remain outside your control.
Start a stress journal
A
stress journal can help you identify the regular stressors in your life and
the way you deal with them. Each time you feel stressed, keep track of it in
your journal. As you keep a daily log, you will begin to see patterns and
common themes. Write down:
- What caused
your stress (make a guess if you’re unsure).
- How you felt,
both physically and emotionally.
- How you acted
in response.
- What you did
to make yourself feel better.
Look at how you currently cope
with stress
Think
about the ways you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Your
stress journal can help you identify them. Are your coping strategies healthy
or unhealthy, helpful or unproductive? Unfortunately, many people cope with
stress in ways that compound the problem.
Unhealthy ways of coping with
stress
These coping strategies may
temporarily reduce stress, but they cause more damage in the long run:
- Smoking
- Drinking too
much
- Overeating
or undereating
- Zoning out
for hours in front of the TV or computer
- Withdrawing
from friends, family, and activities
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- Using pills
or drugs to relax
- Sleeping too
much
- Procrastinating
- Filling up
every minute of the day to avoid facing problems
- Taking out
your stress on others (lashing out, angry outbursts, physical violence)
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Learning healthier ways to
manage stress
If
your methods of coping with stress aren’t contributing to your greater
emotional and physical health, it’s time to find healthier ones. There are
many healthy ways to manage and cope with stress, but they all require
change. You can either change the situation or change your reaction. When
deciding which option to choose, it’s helpful to think of the four As: avoid,
alter, adapt, or accept.
Since
everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no “one size fits all”
solution to managing it. No single method works for everyone or in every
situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on
what makes you feel calm and in control.
Dealing with Stressful
Situations: The Four A’s
Change the situation:
- Avoid the
stressor.
- Alter the
stressor.
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Change your reaction:
- Adapt to the
stressor.
- Accept the
stressor.
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Stress management strategy #1:
Avoid unnecessary stress
Not
all stress can be avoided, and it’s not healthy to avoid a situation that
needs to be addressed. You may be surprised, however, by the number of
stressors in your life that you can eliminate.
- Learn
how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in
your personal or professional life, refuse to accept added responsibilities
when you’re close to reaching them. Taking on more than you can handle
is a surefire recipe for stress.
- Avoid
people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes
stress in your life and you can’t turn the relationship around, limit
the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship
entirely.
- Take
control of your environment – If the evening news makes you
anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic’s got you tense, take a longer but
less-traveled route. If going to the market is an unpleasant chore, do
your grocery shopping online.
- Avoid
hot-button topics – If you get upset over religion or politics,
cross them off your conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the
same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse
yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.
- Pare
down your to-do list – Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and
daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between
the “shoulds” and the “musts.” Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to
the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
Stress management strategy #2:
Alter the situation
If
you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Figure out what you
can do to change things so the problem doesn’t present itself in the future.
Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your
daily life.
- Express
your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering
you, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you
don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and the situation will
likely remain the same.
- Be
willing to compromise. When you ask
someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both
are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance of
finding a happy middle ground.
- Be
more assertive. Don’t take a
backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing your best
to anticipate and prevent them. If you’ve got an exam to study for and
your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five
minutes to talk.
- Manage
your time better. Poor time
management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin and
running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan
ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you can alter the
amount of stress you’re under.
Stress management strategy #3:
Adapt to the stressor
If
you can’t change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful
situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and
attitude.
- Reframe
problems. Try to view
stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than
fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and
regroup, listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone
time.
- Look
at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask
yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a
month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is
no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
- Adjust
your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable
stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection.
Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay
with “good enough.”
- Focus
on the positive. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to
reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your
own positive qualities and gifts. This simple strategy can help you keep
things in perspective.
Adjusting Your Attitude
How
you think can have a profound effect on your emotional and physical
well-being. Each time you think a negative thought about yourself, your body
reacts as if it were in the throes of a tension-filled situation. If you see
good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good; the reverse is
also true. Eliminate words such as "always," "never,"
"should," and "must." These are telltale marks of
self-defeating thoughts.
Stress management strategy #4:
Accept the things you can’t change
Learn more about stress
challenges that you can learn to cope with.
Some
sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such
as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In
such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are.
Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing
against a situation you can’t change.
- Don’t
try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our
control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than
stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the
way you choose to react to problems.
- Look
for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us
stronger.” When facing major challenges, try to look at them as
opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed
to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
- Share
your feelings. Talk to a
trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what
you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you
can do to alter the stressful situation.
- Learn
to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world
and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free
yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.
Stress management strategy #5:
Make time for fun and relaxation
Beyond
a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your
life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and
relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they
inevitably come.
Healthy ways to relax and
recharge
- Go for a
walk.
- Spend time
in nature.
- Call a good
friend.
- Sweat out
tension with a good workout.
- Write in
your journal.
- Take a long
bath.
- Light
scented candles.
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- Savor a warm
cup of coffee or tea.
- Play with a
pet.
- Work in your
garden.
- Get a
massage.
- Curl up with
a good book.
- Listen to
music.
- Watch a
comedy.
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Don’t
get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take
care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
- Set
aside relaxation time. Include rest
and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to
encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities
and recharge your batteries.
- Connect
with others. Spend time
with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will
buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
- Do
something you enjoy every day. Make time for
leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing
the piano, or working on your bike.
- Keep your
sense of humor. This includes
the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body
fight stress in a number of ways.
Learn the relaxation response
You
can control your stress levels with relaxation techniques that evoke the
body’s relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite of
the stress response. Regularly practicing these techniques will build your
physical and emotional resilience, heal your body, and boost your overall
feelings of joy and equanimity.
Stress management strategy #6:
Adopt a healthy lifestyle
You
can increase your resistance to stress by strengthening your physical
health.
- Exercise
regularly. Physical
activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of
stress. Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per
week. Nothing beats aerobic exercise for releasing pent-up stress and
tension.
- Eat a
healthy diet. Well-nourished
bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what
you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up
and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
- Reduce
caffeine and sugar. The temporary
"highs" caffeine and sugar provide often end in with a crash
in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks,
chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and
you’ll sleep better.
- Avoid
alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating
with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the
relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal
with problems head on and with a clear mind.
- Get
enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your
body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you
to think irrationally.
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